


When They Stay

by LuminiMe



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternative 2x18, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Insecure Magnus Bane, M/M, Morning After, Past Relationship(s), Where's My Love - SYML
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-28
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-17 10:00:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15458862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuminiMe/pseuds/LuminiMe
Summary: Magnus Bane woke up by Alexander's side that morning for the first time.Demons, wearing the faces of his past lovers, ever so present, with every intention to harm him, were bound to ruin the only morning of his life that ever mattered.Or, what happens when Magnus does regret the 17,000.





	When They Stay

**Author's Note:**

> An angsty alternative version of Malec's morning after (2x18), concerning Magnus' insecurities about his past love life.
> 
> Includes SYML's Where's My Love, highly recommend : )
> 
> Please, bear in mind English isn't my first language, so even if I'm fluent in it, there might be some mistakes. Not beta'd.  
> This is the first /real/ fanfiction I've written, I'd truly appreciate some feedback! A little kudosbh here, a comment there, maybe? Pretty please?  
> Thank you! Love y'all!

 Magnus Bane opened his eyes.

 Morning sunlight was dimly shining through the curtains as they swayed with the breeze from an open window. Said breeze was just gently touching at the tips of his toes, not reaching low enough, one of his feet peeking from underneath the golden duvet.  Despite the window being fully open, which he didn’t remember opening himself, the room was warm, almost hot, unlike usual mid-April early mornings.

 Magnus kept his eyes tiredly on the ceiling, following the patterns the streaks of light created. He could feel his eyelids slightly trembling, his body trying to pull his mind back into the dream world, not having slept enough, but he fought the urge. Even if he _was_ tired, even if any other morning he’d just go back to sleep, this morning, he didn’t want to sleep anymore. 

 The memories came rushing into his mind the second he pried his eyes open, but it was only now that they made him twitch with inconsolable joy. The corners of his eyes wrinkled, the smile spreading slowly across his face.

 The breeze moved, now sending shivers through his body as it brushed across his naked chest. But he was far from cold. Warmth was enveloping him, inside out.

 And while the warmth in his chest would be enough to melt all the icebergs of the world, there was something completely different keeping him warm.

 _Someone_.

 Right there, next to his body, was another person. Someone in the same naked state as he was. Someone holding him close, almost crushing him to their own body.

_Alexander._

 It still felt like a dream. Like the most beautiful – and improbable – dream. If someone yesterday told him _this_ could happen, Magnus would most probably fix them some potion, as they had to be having hallucinations.

 But it did happen.

 Alexander did come to his home in the middle of the night. He didn’t hesitate one bit kissing him fully on mouth. Whatever happened, he lost all of his shyness, he was no longer timid about showing his affection towards the warlock.

 Magnus might have found it strange at the time, scary even – too soon, unexpected, _frightening_ – but looking back at the night, he was _so_ glad it happened. Glad that Alexander didn’t let fear cloud Magnus‘ insecure mind, heart.

 Glad he _stayed._

 Gods, how scared he was Alec would leave. Leave _after._

 Rationally, he knew Alec would never leave him like that. He knew that. But being used to people come and go does a number on your heart and, despite Magnus‘ infinite wishes, you can’t just get rid of your insecurities with a flick of your hand.

_That would’ve been nice._

 The memories of all the past lovers flew into his mind, invading Magnus‘ safe place, the peace that the moment brought him. As he lay there, eyes stuck on the one spot of the ceiling that seemed to reflect the sun brighter than the others, his mind fought every single one of the shards of even the most meaningless of memories he created every time he let someone come close to him, every time he shared his bed with a stranger.

 He’s changed places, moved across the ocean, but there hasn’t been one time when he wouldn’t cross the threshold to his bedroom with a person trailing close behind him, maybe too close, like a nightmare that’s going to tarnish the bed you sleep on every single night and engrave into your mind and stay there until the day you die.

 This bed wasn’t any different.

 It _was_ tarnished. Abused. Violated. Over and over and _over again._ There wasn‘ t a single stain, but he _knew_ just how _filthy_ it was. Gods knew, every time the front door clicked shut behind yet another stranger, he’d let the sheets go up in flames, burn even the last trace of the unknown person ever spending the night there. However that didn’t change anything. The bedpost, the wood, stayed the same, the fingerprints carved deep enough into Magnus‘ memory, almost as if they were still there.

 He hated this. Gods, how much he hated this. Why did he always have to remember his past when his future was literally lying next to him?

 _Future. My future._ _Is he?_

 Magnus would’ve gotten lost in yet another spiral of thoughts is it wasn’t for the light unmistakable grazing of his lover’s fingertips on his chest.

 Yes, he memorized that sensation well.

 He turned his head.

 There he was. _Alexander._ Staring into his eyes, as if he could see straight through his walls and into his soul, despite the obvious sleepiness.

 „Good mornin‘,“ he said in raspy voice.

 Magnus couldn’t bring himself to answer. He couldn’t even tear his eyes away from Alexander’s. Knowing he was there with him, asleep, content, was one thing, having him break the silence, that turned from beautiful peace to a perfect place for his demons to show up and take control of his mind, was another.

 He just _stared._

 He stared at this gorgeous man. At his disheveled black hair. At his puffy eyes. At his chopped lips. His neck rune. The lovebites surrounding it. And traveling lower. Lower. All the way down his torso to where the blanket was just high enough to hide his hip bones. He noticed the muscles there tightening. Looking back up, slowly, he spotted Alexander sucking at his lips. The sleepiness gone.

 Eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes. Those never missed anything. Whether it was because of the Shadowhunter’s reflexes and inborn instinct or just because of his kind heart, Magnus didn’t know, but one thing was for sure – he would never be able to hide his demons from Alexander.

 „Magnus?“ Alec said while sitting up, propping himself on his elbow, „what is it?“

_Like now._

 Magnus missed the warmth from the body, that was pressed tightly against his own mere moments ago. However the look on Alexander’s face cleared his mind a bit.

 „Nothing,“ Magnus said, barely above whispering. „Nothing,“ this time louder. He could see the worry seep in between his lover’s eyebrows. He wouldn’t have any of that. Not this morning.

 Alec was just about to, most probably, try to make him talk, but Magnus beat him to it. „Nothing, Alexander, I promise,“ he said, giving him a small smile.

 He wasn’t telling the truth and he definitely wasn’t happy about it, but his thoughts harmed this beautiful morning enough already, he didn’t want to ruin it even more.

 Alec looked at him, doubtful, in no way convinced. „I thought we didn’t lie to each other.“

 Magnus dropped his eyes. He had to. Which was also insane, just how vulnerable this man made him. Of course he wouldn’t miss the lie.

 „Alexander,“ Magnus breathed in, avoiding Alec’s concerned gaze.

 He trailed off. His previous thoughts were still loud and clear in his head, drowning his other, much healthier ones.

 „I don’t want to do that now,“ he said, shaking his head softly.

 Magnus himself didn’t know what his words meant. He didn’t want to what? Not lie? Open up? Pour his heart out and confess to all of the wrongs he’s done in this very place?

 Ruin this moment?

 He looked up at his lover, seeing the thoughts flicker all over his face. His doubts, worry, drops of exasperation.

 He got that. He wouldn’t want Alexander to close himself off like that either. But he couldn’t.

 Finally, after what seemed like centuries – and Magnus knew the feeling more than well – Alec sighed and laid back down next to him, even if not as close as before.

 Silence engulfed the room. Not even a chirp of a bird from outside. No whistling of the wind or distant traffic. Nothing.

 Yet another thing Magnus utterly despised.

_Ah, I had to ruin it, didn’t I?_

 Alec was motionless beside him. Magnus, although uneasy, reached out for his hand. The second Alec took it and intertwined their fingers, running his thumb over Magnus‘, even the last sign of hesitation disappeared, as he suddenly couldn’t comprehend what else he was expecting to happen.

 There was nothing to fear. However, maybe, only maybe, a small part of his brain was trying to persuade him that, now that he messed up, Alexander was going to push him away just like he did a moment ago. That he was going to leave. Stand up, pick up the clothes scattered all over the bedroom floor and walk out of that door.

 That the sheets were bound to be burned.

_Stupid, stupid warlock._

 Magnus didn’t notice Alec watching him, again. He had his eyes set on their linked hands, but another pair was boring into his skull, trying to coax out the demons in there.

 „Magnus,“ Alec said, his voice an octave from despair.

 Magnus looked up, giving Alec a look that spoke loud enough to stop him from carrying on.

 „I’m sorry, Alexander,“ Magnus started, needing to end this moment as soon as possible and get back to what mattered to him most – his first morning with Alexander by his side, „I promise you that whatever is going on in my head can wait. I don’t want to bring it up now. I wish to enjoy this moment with you, without any misery.“

 Alec’s face morphed into even more worry, if that was even humanly possible, but Magnus didn’t back down.

 „Please.“

 His lover was clearly fighting his own instinct at that point, but after few seconds of silence, he nodded pensively, squeezing his hand tighter.

 „Okay.“

 Barely a whisper, but it helped Magnus breathe lighter again nonetheless.

 Now, that they got rid of the angst in the air for at least a little while, Magnus was more than set on doing this the right way.

 „So,“ Magnus sat up, hovering over Alec and, with a flick of his hand, turning on the stereo in the corner, letting the room resonate with soft sound of guitar, „I guess I owe you a good morning, huh?“

 It took a second, but Alec’s tense expression relaxed, soft smile spreading across his face.

_Cold bones, yeah, that’s my love. She hides away, like a ghost._

 „Yeah, I’d say so.“

 Alec ran his hand up Magnus’s arm, his eyes flicking to the faint red lines there, still present from last night. He traced them with his fingertips with such gentleness, Magnus felt his heart shattering.

_Cold sheets, oh, where’s my love? I am searching high, I’m searching low in the night._

 His eyes trailed back up to Magnus‘, his hazel irises almost golden, catching all the light coming from the windows. _Gold._ It reminded him of another part of the night. When he lost control. When his glamour slipped. And Alexander didn’t run away. He didn’t turn his back on him.

 He smiled. He grinned like a fool, the most beautiful one, anyway. He smiled and cupped his face and told him he was beautiful.

_Beautiful. Me. Me, Alexander?_

 Magnus couldn’t believe this man. How does such kind soul come into existence? Let alone into Magnus‘ life, his heart, home?

 He then understood.

 This man was the only one, whose fingerprints would linger. Forever.

 No more sheets engulfed in flames as he crumbles and falls.

 No more strangers crossing this threshold.

 No more guilt.

_I got a fear, oh, in my blood. She was carried up into the clouds, high above._

 Magnus felt tears welling up in his eyes as he leaned down and captured Alexander’s lips with his own, running his hand up the man’s neck, pressing him even closer.

 By the time he pulled back, a single tear escaped his eye and, without a second thought, he dropped his glamour as he looked back at his lover.

 Wrinkles showed up between Alec’s eyebrows as he swiped the tear with the pad of his thumb.

_This man will be the death of me._

 Alec was staring into his eyes with such intensity, passion. 

_…Love?_

 No. No, that’d be too soon. _Don’t get ahead of yourself, Magnus._

 „Why?“ Alec asked.

 Magnus didn’t answer. He couldn’t say why. There weren’t words.

 So he did the only thing he could at that moment. He kissed Alexander again. And again. He pulled him close, embracing him with his whole body, what he knew best.

 The last tones of guitar were echoing through the room as they separated.

 Magnus took a long look at Alexander and made his decision.

 „What do you think? Mahogany or ebony?“


End file.
